Dating Guide

When two years ago I decided to move to the Philippines and live in a southern island city in Mindanao called Davao, I knew that I’d find a lot of cultural differences between my old home country – the United Kingdom – and my new home country. Language, food, TV, traffic, the general attitude of people: they all came in ways that surprised me, sometimes pleasantly, and sometimes unpleasantly. But I’m not complaining! While I knew that I had to make adjustments, I also knew that the differences were what made the idea of living somewhere else a very attractive idea.

One of the differences was in the department of gay dating. Being gay in the Philippines is a lot different indeed from being gay in UK. And a lot more promising, being that I like brown skin, black hair, smooth body, little feet. But while Filipinos – and Asians in general – may see a white man in their country as a kind of commodity, thus making it a lot easier for people like myself to stand out, I still found myself hardpressed – and, at the same time, hesitant – to get hold of someone whom I can really be intimate with. Some were just looking for fun. Some were just looking for funds. Some came in and then disappeared after the first night. Some didn’t even show up on the first night. Some cheated. Some were jealous in ways that I could never imagine. Some of the men were absolutely wonderful human beings, but were restrained by the Catholic upbringing that typifies the general Filipino way of life. Some, like in a gay spot in Manila I had visited a few years back, wanted to take advantage: I was drugged without my knowledge, or stolen from, or dismissed as a matchmaker who wasn’t serious about love himself.

Not that I wasn’t serious; being alone in a strange world, a different world, I was simply determined to exercise caution and not get too carried away in the dating scene. Still, from all the misadventures and mishaps of being gay in the Philippines, I learned that there also can be great fun and great joys – and that they didn’t necessarily involve sex or money or both. From hundreds of forgotten names and faces, I stumbled upon several who are worth remembering and keeping as my best friends. And from countless encounters in which I have been lost in translation, I discovered some real gems who not only respected our differences – but celebrated them, too.

I say it all the time, “My pink feather boa is off to you singles” who are still out there looking for Mr. Right or even just Mr. Great Blow Job For The Night.” I’m sure if I had no choice I would find a way but honestly, I’m so thankful to not have to be in the world of dating. To be honest, I can barely recall the whole dating thing but I’m sure I wasn’t very good at it. I’m a short Jewish man who was bar mitzvah who has been in a monogamous relationship with a six foot black man who was an altar boy for the past twenty years. It’s true we are THE poster children for hate crimes!

There’s one story I love to tell about my guy and me. Years ago, we went to see a friend of ours in a show. The theatre (if you could call it that) was in what we lovingly called, “lower, slower Delaware.” At any rate we were introduced to the woman who was the producer of the show. She was in her mid to late forties and seemed far more sophisticated than her setting. Well, apparently not so much as after we left she remarked to our friend, “That was so nice of your friends, the Negro and the Oriental to come see the show.” For a long time we called one another by these names and it still makes me chuckle.

So while I haven’t dated in awhile, I cherish every story my pals who are still playing the game of “chutes and ladders” (yes, double entendre intended) tell me. What I’ve found out from them is that there are a lot of crazy people out there as well as a lot of people who are really just desperately looking for love.

The thing about gay dating is that I don’t think what a lot of boys are doing out there can really be considered “dating” – well, not in the traditional sense. In my mind (call me a romantic) a date is an actual going to the movies and dinner kind of event. A date is not just arriving at a location behind the 7/11 to take it in the behind. But I guess if the prostitutes can use the word, “date” to describe what they do, you can too. (Read the ten reasons I’ll never be a male prostitute, here).

Then there was a friend of mine who went to an UnValentine’s Day event at a club that was supposed to be for single gays. Leave it to my pal to find a guy whose definition of single was more like the one by Kraft (you know, a lot of cheesy men on top of one another separated only by a thin piece of plastic). The guy he met was seeing someone but assured my friend that as his guy was out of town that made him “single enough.”

I’m not even going to start with the whole online dating thing as I don’t understand it at all. I mean, I understand the sites that really help you find a date but someone is going to have to explain to me how you can put a photo of yourself with your hands spreading your ass cheeks on Craig’s List and at the same time list yourself as “discreet?” I think once you’ve shared your colon with the online universe you don’t really have the right to call yourself discreet but then again, maybe it’s just me.

What I do have to say is what my grandmother used to say, “There’s a lid for every pot.” Meaning that whether you’re into meeting a guy and settling down like the first gay Jeep ads (you know, the one with the two guys, yellow Lab and one putting their baby of a different ethnicity from either of the guys in the back of the Cherokee) or are looking for someone to rock your sling for the night, if you can think it someone else is out there looking for the same thing. You just have to find them. So off you go little ones and best of luck. I’m rooting for you. And for those of you who wonder if there’s a gay out there for you to spend a lifetime with I can only tell you that some of us have found the man we want to spend the rest of our lives with (who wants to spend theirs with us too) and although they may seem as rare or fictitious as a unicorn, I can tell you they are out there and just as wild of a ride as those untamed mustangs – you just have to be careful of the horn (or use a lot of lube, anyway).

Read More Scott @ http://www.somelikeitscott.com

A friend of mine told me about another gay dating site called Out Personals. He is a super busy guy who doesn’t have a lot of free time to go out and meet new people so he joined Out Personals. Here is his review.

Wasn’t sure what to expect since I had never tried online dating. But I was very pleasantly surprised. I’ve had some great dates from this site (and one loser) and I’m still dating a guy I met a few months ago. Two thumbs up!

Seems like he has had great success with Out Personals and I hope his relationship lasts a long time.

The Gay Date List is the gay man’s version of The Date List. Again, the site is 100% free. There are no fees for using this site, no credit card is required and you get full access to the gay dating site. A few people have asked me, “How can a free dating site survive?” Well, the answer is quite simple. The dating site is paid for by the ads that run on the website. the thing I like about the gay Date list is that the ads blend in and are not obtrusive. If I was a gay man looking for a date after becoming frustrated by all the pay to play gay dating sites I’d be thrilled to find the Gay Date List. Just click on the city link for your city and find the man for you.