You just have to click ‘compose message’ write some words and the first contact is made. But is it really that easy to get someone’s attention? Here are some hints on how to write a successful first message for an online dating site:
1. Be personal:
It would be easy for all you lazy ones to just create one message and just cut and paste that to several people of interest. Unfortunately it is pretty easy to recognize if someone hasn’t really written a personal message. It’s always good to add a personal. If there is a photo, it is nice to comment on this (without sounding too cheesy).
2. Short is good
Don’t go overboard on the first message, rolling up your entire life for the past 10 years. That feels daunting to people and can easily be considered as being “too keen”. To make a first contact, 3-4 lines are absolutely sufficient. After all, they should create the wish to hear more!
3. Always greet
Don’t just fall in with you message. “I’m looking for free sex” is normally not the way to go, unless you are signed up on an adult dating site. Write a greeting line, because without it a message easily sounds rude and inconsiderate. It’s good to orientate on the persons profile on how formal to be. If you write “Dear…”, or “Hi….” is up to you at the end.
4. What’s your ‘feat’?
A lot of people are really unsure on what to write…after all you already pondered over how to describe yourself in your profile! Just think about what is important for you and what would you like to emphasize.
5. I’m interested in you because…?
Make it clear why you are interested in the person you are messaging. Have you identified some similarities, point that out: “I lived in Noosa as well/I’m also an accountant. If you thought her/his profile was funny or witty, say so. Whilst always being careful not to come across overwhelming and cheesy, a compliment on the right spot can’t hurt.
6. Questions need answers
Certain detail make curious because their strange to you? Excellent, get deeper into it! Ask a question: “Skydiving, what an unusual hobby. Aren’t you scared?” Questions are a very good way to get into a conversation. Be careful with provocations and teasing someone. Sometimes things that would have sound funny coming out of your mouth sound pretty weird written down! Be careful not to create misunderstandings.
7. Keep it real
Authenticity is trumps. Write just like as you would talk to some friends or you’d meet someone on the bus. Be thorough with your spelling though, too many mistakes might make you look simple minded. It’s also good to give your receiver a snipped of what you are up to at this moment:” I’m at work listening to Alicia Keys and trying not to get caught surfing the net”.
8. Stay anonymous…at first
Refrain from the urge to attach your phone number and personal email address to every message. It’s risky and often not perceived very well at the other end. It just gives the impression of moving along too quickly. Better is to wait until you get asked or as a sign of established trust after a few messages.
9. Picture please?
You may attach a picture of yourself to your message – if it’s a great one and you have no problems sending it. It actually bring the make or break pint along very quickly: don’t be disappointed when the response says: you’re not what I’m looking for. Just remember for every pot there’s a lid!
10. Repeat Offenders
That after x mails you have established a standard message is understandable and legitimate. But just remember all the rules mentioned before…be personal, be spontaneous, be easy! Impersonal spam will convince nobody. Just weave in the one or the other personal note.
Now you know how to write a perfect first message and with a bit of cupid’s help you might get lucky very soon!